Solitude

With hardly 10 girls in this big hostel, with no power supply, with all my friends gone, I’m having all the time in this world with myself; I’m having time to ponder, to introspect. Such opportunities are rare.

I wonder why do people get bored when no one is around, because actually they aren’t alone, instead they are with themselves. Are you so boring that you hate your own company?

I’m not boring, I’m enjoying my company: analyzing, realizing, and knowing myself.

What I got to know all this time, I’m sharing with you. All the while by doing moronic activities that brings me laughter and jovialness, now I’ve time to analyze those acts. Laying emphasis on “laughter”, I won’t call it happiness because I know these insidious acts will bring me sorrow when I’ll introspect. Sitting alone with an empty mind or rather in the devil’s workshop, I’m introspecting. After a good long while, tears rolled down my cheek, had a good cry after the analysis. When doing something insane, we think we’re making funny memories. But, in retrospect, they seem to be melancholic events.

I know what I’m writing may not make sense in any way. But, I just wanted to see the outcome of a confused mind. I can afford that, after all I’m not a big writer. Getting back to it, I was talking about memories. Everything today will be a memory tomorrow – good or bad. We try to make good memories whole of our life, but somewhere because of a chaotic mind, it all goes wrong. A common question usually comes up – “what was your happiest day?” That’s when you are utterly confused – you are happy almost every day but still your happiest day or the most awaited moment has not arrived yet. Why is it that Serotonin or Dopamine secretes quite often in your stupid brain? Why is it that a feeling of intoxication holds you in its girth and you are in an awesome mood without any reason? What brings you all this? It’s always a work that makes you either happy or sad. So, talking about “work”, there are two kinds of jobs:

(i) The one you want to do.

(ii) The one you should do.

Job, here I’m talking about is not just the one that earns you a livelihood. It’s in general what you do daily. All those work that daily sum up to make your day. The first one, brings you joy and the latter brings you happiness in the long term. But you always do the former, after all it’s the one you want to do. And in this path of doing what you want to do astray you from what you really should do. And, you end up losing true happiness earning daily joy. Look, this article itself is a good example of it. I should have written on ‘solitude’, I was supposed to write on this. But, starting from it I gradually deviated and began writing what I wanted to.

Not just this. There lies an intermediate thing. In this turmoil of doing what you want to do and what you should do, you end up doing neither. And, that’s when the real remorse starts. During this battle of ‘want’ and ‘should’, you’re doing something you shouldn’t do. It happens because of the extra baggage on your brain, unnecessary things you stuff yourselves with, worldly bonding, a vain attempt to be someone you are not. For a handful of lucky beings, the two works are the same – what they want to do and what they should do. Then, a masterpiece is created.

Just like it’s impossible to hold back the river, it’s impossible to stop me when I start talking. I’m a loquacious one in finest moods or informally on the booze. So, stopping right here else I’ll go on.

Hence, after this profound thinking I know my vices. I can improve with a simple change. People say that ‘change is inevitable’ while I think it is ‘implausible’. Technically, to bring about a change is a zero probability event. Duh! Now I think I should stop contemplating my navel too. Yes, after all these years, this brooding has yielded nothing expect for quite a few formidable intellectual articles like this. It’s not the first time I’m getting time to introspect, to contemplate; I usually have these cognitive opportunities where I think, realize, try (as long as I remember) then I forget and get back to normal life until the next introspection in solitude. Finally after this long futile blabbering, I should get back to where I actually started from, what I intended to write – ‘solitude’. Just like not all fingers are alike, in the same way not every person is same. Maybe, bringing about a change may not be as difficult for you as it is for me. So, leave the flock behind for a while, indulge in solitude and realize. Self-realization is crucial, that’s what I call gaze at your navel. But, be a little more generous to bring about those changes fruitful not just for you but for the society as well. So, good luck with your quality time, good luck with your solitude!

"Solitude need not be compensated by an embrace always. Sometimes, you need to be with yourself."

Prerogative of Men - Diary Entry of a girl

I have a life as well,

I've dreams on which I dwell.

Even I wish to be in euphoric mood,

To go and play sometimes away from neighborhood.

But why do I've constraints?

I want to shout,

To roam about.
To breathe free,
Standing beneath a real tree.
But why am I captivated?

Various ephemeral things splendid and sublime,
I've to admire them in a specific time.
I want to be oblivious of time and people, who surround,
I may be perky and loud for people all around.
But why do you notice?

It may be crazy to go to a deserted place,
But I want to go there without a chaperon's face.
I can't live on my own with this security guard,

Without you, Is my survival really hard?
Why am I assaulted always?

Its my life unless I'm harming you,
But you interfere and my freedom is morning dew.
A woman is feeble, docile, pretty, timid and generous,
And an independent, strong one is a sorceress.
Is it really a definition or you've made for your convenience?

You may call me a bloody feminist,
But your society is a sick male chauvinist.
To you I maybe a recalcitrant beast,
But, slavery doesn't flourish here.
If you think you rule,
I won't protest.
After all I'm a timid girl,
Quietly I'll leave so that alone you rule here forever.

But, can you make a world without me?


I'm a girl in this male dominant society. I even have no problem if you rule, but be a kind, generous, unbiased ruler at least.
You've just limited my role. If I'm so unimportant, should I leave? Can you imagine a world without me?
From villages to modern areas, always I am judged. My every action speaks about me. Why is it so?
If I don't talk to people, I've ego problem or I'm too shy. And if I do, I'm too outgoing, easy nut to crack. If I've a lot of friends, if I talk a lot ignoring the gender of my listener's, then I've no ethics. If I want to feel the wind at night, I'm a witch.
I feel captivated even in my own house.
If a man decides to remain bachelor forever, he is regarded as a saint. But, a woman doing same is evil.
It's not the story of a backward village, it's almost everywhere. A woman is looked down upon. Even after so many measures, she doesn't enjoy an equal status. Thinking needs to be changed.
It's not easy to pass off an area without having a few dirty eyes ogling me, without a few immoral lips abusing or teasing me.
It's not about backward places only, it's almost everywhere. Why are dark and deserted places still unsafe? I ask you, is it right denigrating on basis of gender?
I enjoy being a girl. At times, I love the attention. Sometimes, being an apple of discord too. But, what role do you actually want me to play? Just a beautiful, quiet, docile girl, only these qualities do you want a real girl should have? I envy my brother for having so much freedom, for having no concerns about his security. He can easily travel long distances alone even in a sleeper class and my parents have to think twice before sending me alone even via air.
He'll not be judged for anything he does. Even, if a guy smokes or drinks it's not a big deal. But if I even try a non-alcoholic Hookah, my colleagues will talk ill of me behind my back.
It’s sad but true that majority of men including the literate and civilized ones too are the same.
And then there are some merciless, brute devils who don’t qualify to be called human are disguised as men who commit such heinous crimes that it makes my blood run cold even while thinking. Thinking of punishing these cold-blooded criminals such as rapists with even the most sadistic approach doesn't satisfy me.
Even the Government doesn't do anything; just fudges the issue. There’s no redemption for such criminals, capital punishment is too less for them.
Had it been in my control, I simply wouldn't have taken birth here. But now that I've taken birth and since suicide is a crime, I've to bear my life in fear every day.
I've become paranoid, standing at the brink of life and death in this world here, the latter appeals me more. At least I’m free that way.
I know my words in desperation won’t bring any change as real culprits will not read this for sure. But it is the best I can do to ameliorate the situation & express my rage over the issue.

- A girl pleading for her freedom

Capricious Covetousness

Keats quoted, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever”. The question is what is beauty?

Beauty – whatever abstract thing it is. I know that it is mainly classified into two – inner beauty & outer beauty.

Inner beauty is virtue, education, behavior, attitude, poise whereas outer beauty is what we see.  As it’s visible, it’s more dominant and can be easily judged while apprehending inner beauty requires a great deal of effort and profound knowledge.

So, who has so much time? That’s why we fudge the issue and assume both to be the same. Simple as that! Why involve in intricacies of this enigma?

Stark irony is that this ephemeral thing is primordial. Yes, a good look has been the cusp of goodness and evil since ages. Irrevocable temperament to look like an angel has always been on the wish list. Living in a surreal world envisaging a pretty visage is so common.

It’s human tendency to emulate perfection.  We try to improve, to obliterate every possible thing in a maddening way which sometimes seems frightening.

This blooming cosmetic industry is a living proof that we are so much bothered about it. Face which is just supposed to be an identity to differentiate one from the other, sometimes changes the true identity of a person. Life is unimaginably hard for some grotesque faces.  An unnecessary inferiority binds them for which they aren’t even responsible. Humiliation, being mocked even by friends is usual. Happiness comes for those who learn to be mature enough to ignore these comments or develop a stoic silence pretending “I don’t care”.

And all these, what we die for is just for a few advantages: for some attention, envious & aspiring glances, fulsome compliments etc.  Looking good not only gives high confidence but immense self-esteem as well. You learn to love yourself, seeing your own image in the mirror conceits. No matter how you actually are but for some time you keep people enthralled by your facade.

This has taken so much time from our busy life or perhaps it is a break from monotonous work. It is such a good conversation starter too.  Even if you don’t know someone you can easily begin with a compliment on this. So, however insignificant it may appear, it has occupied a major part in our life. And, unfortunately nothing can be done about this. Even if no one says anything it’s indubitably one’s desire to achieve perfection in something so noticeable.  And this yearning comes in all irrespective of gender, religion, caste etc.

So, someone rightly said that beauty is a short lived tyranny.

Suffice to say, I’d like to end it with a couple of famous lines which says it all

“Beauty is like life itself: a dawn mist

The sun burns off.  It gives no peace, no rest.”

Where I went wrong

Things when started went all so smooth

Whatever happened around was also good

Everyone believed it was an auspicious mood

But I still can’t guess, O dude!

Where the hell I went wrong?

I’ve been waiting for so long

And damn! You arrived so rude

You surely broke my heart

Leaving me in the middle of the warpath

The blood dripping off my sleeves

No aspirin could even help me relieve

Yet the question still lingering my mind

Where the hell I went wrong?

Although the time has passed on now

People forgot you somehow

Ah! The wounds still hurt

You’ve made a gloomy, creepy cut

The terrific past

Makes me aghast

The agony deep within still remains

Neither cuddles nor lullabies could help me in bane

But I’m waiting for you again

Moving on, making smart moves

Still one question sustains

That where the hell I went wrong?

Role of Celebrities in our life

We ordinary people are born to worship, be it the God or a celebrity.  The beautiful, bizarre faces tend to occupy our mind to an extent of delirium. We become so harebrained that we’re unable to discern the evil and the good.  Their grimacing intimidates our normal expressions. We become incompetent in any lucky conversation with them.  We even emulate their statuesque moves. Even a single picture with our self – made deity becomes our priciest possession, and the best thing to flaunt. A mere physical contact seems to impart ‘The Midas Touch’ in us. Their gaffes and flaws are treated as style statements.

We gawk at their sleepy faces – because we find it beautiful.  Their every little routine part is an event for us.  Any beautiful creation isn’t graceful or charming if it isn’t promoted by the stars.

It’s an utter shame that mourning on their small cut is equivalent to death of 100 people in the city.  Without any emotional or social contact with them – their life events hold a festive place in our hearts.

And our dear luminaries have given us a lot in lieu of our adulation. They’ve encouraged:

(i)                  Metro mundane life:  A life full of gossips, envy, ostentation, parties without tweeting people, parties only with loud music and intoxicants. Money frenzy society with your near and dear ones busy pulling wool over your eyes. Your friends close to eavesdrop, to gather and reveal every possible detail of yours.

(ii)                Bike rage, impatience, short cuts to success.

(iii)               Haute couture, sophisticated, fashionable, costly, trendy, soulless living.

(iv)              Bullying, deception, melancholies, betrayal, violence etc.

Now, people don’t interact, thankfully there is only some form of talk through the internet but too becomes a headache with unwanted cyber personalities interfering.

These celebrities worshipped like the almighty should learn to behave like them. They’ve the power to change millions of minds, lives of their fans. I don’t think they’re taking this crucial responsibility trivially. Instead of boasting of their fame given by us, they should teach us some good such as:

(i)                  Laying emphasis on simple living, high innovative thinking. Isn’t it better to invent or discover new instead of bragging of the invented ones. People must come out of the traps of caste, religion, discrimination, cheating, corruption, false, easy and quick money making techniques etc.

(ii)                Encouraging people to use eco-friendly and renewable resources that may or may not look attractive. But this is the key to happy, sustainable living.

(iii)               Redefining fashion as something which makes you confident, comfortable and creative.

(iv)              Condemning the false flaunting and wastage as petty ideas.

(v)                Appreciating that owing a glossy, costly car/cellphone or trendy outfit is not a matter of pride. Instead it’s our knowledge, our behavior, our healthy thoughts that we should be proud of.

(vi)              Highlighting the fact that – it is not our wealth that makes us the center of attraction but it is our modesty, simplicity, loyalty and our loving nature that makes us a face worth remembering.

In this rat race to westernization, people are putting at stake much of its environment, culture and values.  Every development is leading to declining happiness.  And in this era of beauty, endorsing something ugly although beneficial is a challenging task.

These things may be vehemently opposed or shunned at the first time, but in the long run people will revel the idea of quiescent and simplified form of living. I know that a single person can’t do this but it could be a coterie of celebs inspiring this innovative, effective version of life. However difficult this job maybe but it should be tried, as a famous saying goes – “The night is indeed dark but when is lightning a lamp forbidden.”

If above mentioned things are accepted and followed, life will inevitably be simple & people will get time to relax and think high.