Solitude

With hardly 10 girls in this big hostel, with no power supply, with all my friends gone, I’m having all the time in this world with myself; I’m having time to ponder, to introspect. Such opportunities are rare.

I wonder why do people get bored when no one is around, because actually they aren’t alone, instead they are with themselves. Are you so boring that you hate your own company?

I’m not boring, I’m enjoying my company: analyzing, realizing, and knowing myself.

What I got to know all this time, I’m sharing with you. All the while by doing moronic activities that brings me laughter and jovialness, now I’ve time to analyze those acts. Laying emphasis on “laughter”, I won’t call it happiness because I know these insidious acts will bring me sorrow when I’ll introspect. Sitting alone with an empty mind or rather in the devil’s workshop, I’m introspecting. After a good long while, tears rolled down my cheek, had a good cry after the analysis. When doing something insane, we think we’re making funny memories. But, in retrospect, they seem to be melancholic events.

I know what I’m writing may not make sense in any way. But, I just wanted to see the outcome of a confused mind. I can afford that, after all I’m not a big writer. Getting back to it, I was talking about memories. Everything today will be a memory tomorrow – good or bad. We try to make good memories whole of our life, but somewhere because of a chaotic mind, it all goes wrong. A common question usually comes up – “what was your happiest day?” That’s when you are utterly confused – you are happy almost every day but still your happiest day or the most awaited moment has not arrived yet. Why is it that Serotonin or Dopamine secretes quite often in your stupid brain? Why is it that a feeling of intoxication holds you in its girth and you are in an awesome mood without any reason? What brings you all this? It’s always a work that makes you either happy or sad. So, talking about “work”, there are two kinds of jobs:

(i) The one you want to do.

(ii) The one you should do.

Job, here I’m talking about is not just the one that earns you a livelihood. It’s in general what you do daily. All those work that daily sum up to make your day. The first one, brings you joy and the latter brings you happiness in the long term. But you always do the former, after all it’s the one you want to do. And in this path of doing what you want to do astray you from what you really should do. And, you end up losing true happiness earning daily joy. Look, this article itself is a good example of it. I should have written on ‘solitude’, I was supposed to write on this. But, starting from it I gradually deviated and began writing what I wanted to.

Not just this. There lies an intermediate thing. In this turmoil of doing what you want to do and what you should do, you end up doing neither. And, that’s when the real remorse starts. During this battle of ‘want’ and ‘should’, you’re doing something you shouldn’t do. It happens because of the extra baggage on your brain, unnecessary things you stuff yourselves with, worldly bonding, a vain attempt to be someone you are not. For a handful of lucky beings, the two works are the same – what they want to do and what they should do. Then, a masterpiece is created.

Just like it’s impossible to hold back the river, it’s impossible to stop me when I start talking. I’m a loquacious one in finest moods or informally on the booze. So, stopping right here else I’ll go on.

Hence, after this profound thinking I know my vices. I can improve with a simple change. People say that ‘change is inevitable’ while I think it is ‘implausible’. Technically, to bring about a change is a zero probability event. Duh! Now I think I should stop contemplating my navel too. Yes, after all these years, this brooding has yielded nothing expect for quite a few formidable intellectual articles like this. It’s not the first time I’m getting time to introspect, to contemplate; I usually have these cognitive opportunities where I think, realize, try (as long as I remember) then I forget and get back to normal life until the next introspection in solitude. Finally after this long futile blabbering, I should get back to where I actually started from, what I intended to write – ‘solitude’. Just like not all fingers are alike, in the same way not every person is same. Maybe, bringing about a change may not be as difficult for you as it is for me. So, leave the flock behind for a while, indulge in solitude and realize. Self-realization is crucial, that’s what I call gaze at your navel. But, be a little more generous to bring about those changes fruitful not just for you but for the society as well. So, good luck with your quality time, good luck with your solitude!

"Solitude need not be compensated by an embrace always. Sometimes, you need to be with yourself."

Prerogative of Men - Diary Entry of a girl

I have a life as well,

I've dreams on which I dwell.

Even I wish to be in euphoric mood,

To go and play sometimes away from neighborhood.

But why do I've constraints?

I want to shout,

To roam about.
To breathe free,
Standing beneath a real tree.
But why am I captivated?

Various ephemeral things splendid and sublime,
I've to admire them in a specific time.
I want to be oblivious of time and people, who surround,
I may be perky and loud for people all around.
But why do you notice?

It may be crazy to go to a deserted place,
But I want to go there without a chaperon's face.
I can't live on my own with this security guard,

Without you, Is my survival really hard?
Why am I assaulted always?

Its my life unless I'm harming you,
But you interfere and my freedom is morning dew.
A woman is feeble, docile, pretty, timid and generous,
And an independent, strong one is a sorceress.
Is it really a definition or you've made for your convenience?

You may call me a bloody feminist,
But your society is a sick male chauvinist.
To you I maybe a recalcitrant beast,
But, slavery doesn't flourish here.
If you think you rule,
I won't protest.
After all I'm a timid girl,
Quietly I'll leave so that alone you rule here forever.

But, can you make a world without me?


I'm a girl in this male dominant society. I even have no problem if you rule, but be a kind, generous, unbiased ruler at least.
You've just limited my role. If I'm so unimportant, should I leave? Can you imagine a world without me?
From villages to modern areas, always I am judged. My every action speaks about me. Why is it so?
If I don't talk to people, I've ego problem or I'm too shy. And if I do, I'm too outgoing, easy nut to crack. If I've a lot of friends, if I talk a lot ignoring the gender of my listener's, then I've no ethics. If I want to feel the wind at night, I'm a witch.
I feel captivated even in my own house.
If a man decides to remain bachelor forever, he is regarded as a saint. But, a woman doing same is evil.
It's not the story of a backward village, it's almost everywhere. A woman is looked down upon. Even after so many measures, she doesn't enjoy an equal status. Thinking needs to be changed.
It's not easy to pass off an area without having a few dirty eyes ogling me, without a few immoral lips abusing or teasing me.
It's not about backward places only, it's almost everywhere. Why are dark and deserted places still unsafe? I ask you, is it right denigrating on basis of gender?
I enjoy being a girl. At times, I love the attention. Sometimes, being an apple of discord too. But, what role do you actually want me to play? Just a beautiful, quiet, docile girl, only these qualities do you want a real girl should have? I envy my brother for having so much freedom, for having no concerns about his security. He can easily travel long distances alone even in a sleeper class and my parents have to think twice before sending me alone even via air.
He'll not be judged for anything he does. Even, if a guy smokes or drinks it's not a big deal. But if I even try a non-alcoholic Hookah, my colleagues will talk ill of me behind my back.
It’s sad but true that majority of men including the literate and civilized ones too are the same.
And then there are some merciless, brute devils who don’t qualify to be called human are disguised as men who commit such heinous crimes that it makes my blood run cold even while thinking. Thinking of punishing these cold-blooded criminals such as rapists with even the most sadistic approach doesn't satisfy me.
Even the Government doesn't do anything; just fudges the issue. There’s no redemption for such criminals, capital punishment is too less for them.
Had it been in my control, I simply wouldn't have taken birth here. But now that I've taken birth and since suicide is a crime, I've to bear my life in fear every day.
I've become paranoid, standing at the brink of life and death in this world here, the latter appeals me more. At least I’m free that way.
I know my words in desperation won’t bring any change as real culprits will not read this for sure. But it is the best I can do to ameliorate the situation & express my rage over the issue.

- A girl pleading for her freedom